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Iris Is an Interesting Idea at Least

May 7, 2020

Iris is one of the many dating apps that works only on a smartphone and not on a PC. The app has proprietary face scanning software to determine if users are real, as well as to train the software into providing users with matches to whom they are more likely to be attracted. The photos need to be at least 640 x 480. My Assurance Wireless stupid phone has made this a major chore. The Google app on my phone won’t tell me the image size, and they mostly look the same when viewed on it. So in order to find the photos without being told that they’re too small, the most effective way is to use my laptop and e-mail them to myself, but this creates another hurdle. The way to download images is to tap them, but because very often this doesn’t do anything, I didn’t know that until it worked. When it didn’t work, I would hold the image, which would give me a download option, but this would guve me a humbail that is useless for uploading to Iris. Until I realized this is what was happening, I was complaining to customer service. I then updated them that it was a tech issue I was having locally. Actually, this was only part of the problem. Some photos are indeed larger than the minimum but still considered too small by the system.

Getting images of women I know in real life that are big enough can be tricky, especially for the purposes of the site. If it’s inappripriate to ask out a woman because our relationship is professional or because she is already in a relationship or married, getting photos that are already live on the internet is the only appropriate thing to do. Finding a woman attractive doesn’t prevent me from being friends with her–I’ve never been so attracted that I couldn’t handle the boundary (it’s only remotely difficult if the woman is single and not in a professional relationship with me but not interested in being more than friends)–I hear about this being a problem from people on the internet, but it strikes me as lack of maturity. When I’m friends with a woman, she usually becomes more attractive to me anyway because I’m more emotionally involved, but not in a way that has a major impact on me. For the most part though, I imagine most people are uploading pictures of celebrities they like.

Here is a non-exhaustive list of the celebrities I’ve informed or attempted to inform the software that I find “very attractive” (not necessarily with current photos, especially in the case of people who are from earlier cinematic eras and are either elders or no longer with us, or pre-pregnancy in those who are now married with kids–not that I don’t consider them still beautiful but am going for the height of their attractiveness to me). I generally try to use pictures with less makeup (especially around the eyes–more recent photos of Leila Josefowicz are quite raccoon-eyed) and a positive look on the faces.

Amy Acker
Jacinda Barrett
Emily Blunt
Emily Browning
Dove Cameron
Sofia Carson
Lynda Carter
Chrissy Chambers
Maggie Cheung
Gillian Chung
Erika Christensen
Jennifer Connelly
Brenna D’Amico
Emilie de Ravin
Dianne L. Doane
Kirsten Dunst
Caroline Ekanem
Jackie Evancho
Joan Fontaine
Anna Friel
Greta Garbo
Janet Gaynor
Angela Gheorghiu
Jaclyn Glenn
Jody Gnant
Hilary Hahn
Khrystyne Haje
Rebecca Hall
Virginia Hankins
Jessica Harper
Anne Hathaway
Brigitte Holm
Kim Horcher
Kim Iversen
Lisa Jakub (It was really hard finding a large enough picture of her as an adult, and her face was rather small in it–it was a full shot with her dog.)
Scarlett Johansson (although I did use a picture from Ghost World)
Leila Josefowicz
Karisma Kapoor
Ana Kasparian
Anna Kendrick
Soha Ali Khan
Nancy Kwan
Isabella Leong
Evanna Lynch
Mae Marsh
Marta Mazurek
Danica McKellar
Lea Michele
Alexandra Moltke
Jillian Morgese
Maureen O’Hara
Elizabeth Olsen
Michalina Olszańska
Meghan Ory
Patricia Petibon
Mary Philbin
Alexandra Pic
Natalie Portman
Ella Raines
Malinda Kathleen Reese
Julia Stiles
Isabelle Teboul
Maria Thayer
Joey Wang/Joey Wong (spelling varies but not the pronunciation)
Emma Watson
Teresa Wright
Gloria Yip

Since the celebrities far outnumber the people I know (although I’ve met Jody Gnant and used to be in regular communication with her–the last time I heard from her, after not for a while, was a couple of years ago on Twitter when she noticed I had called someone “Trumptard” and thought that someone with an English degree could do better than play with an ableist term, and I told her she was right), that most likely skews the results toward those who are unusually beautiful. It’s no surprise that so far no one has liked me back as of this writing, even a couple of women it told me “probably finds you attractive.”

There have been a lot of changes to the Iris app. First they showed me profiles of 3-4 women that they thought I might like, I got to link to their profile, which could include up to three likes and three dislikes. Then they added a part at the bottom which would allow me to rate women’s attractiveness to me as “high,” medium,” or “low,” with the option to say hi once rated. That’s all you can say until they respond, much like other women-friendly dating sites such as Bumble, Hinge, and happn. This latter part was quicker and eventually became the only part I saw. Recently they allowed the inclusion of a brief bio, which I already have at maximum characters. Sometimes I think women on these sites are too inculcated into men making the first move, or they’re just not comfortable with writing, because “hi, how are you” is a typical response on those other apps. It’s getting good, so “low” is the least common I tap. It’s also entirely possible that they find me unattractive or find my bio boring or not what they are looking for. I usually hear that I’m handsome only from women who are very happily in relationships and usually much older than me, although they usually acknowledge the medicinal damage done to my teeth when I was a child as an obstacle the way my mother and family dentist (who was so clueless he thought that no one but he would notice something like that) would not.

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5 Comments
  1. I just added Michalina Olszańska on Instagram. She had a subtitled video of herself as a little girl talking about wanting to defeat communism. I replied that capitalism is exacerbating COVID-19 deaths, especially in the U.S. She wrote back that she actually does want to end capitalism. I liked her comment and said that it could be a theme of The Lure II. She liked it. She is married, by the way.

  2. Johnny permalink

    How much experience do you have with dating? It seems like you have very high expectations!
    Have you ever kissed a woman?

    • It sounds like you’re a troll who didn’t even read my own comments.

    • To be honest, it is extremely rare that I meet a woman I even remotely click with who is not already happily in relationship and open only to friendship (and I’m not interested in breaking such things up), and if I do, she really wants to be single at that moment.

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