The Right’s Bill of Rights
1. Congress shall make no law seen to infringe on the rights of the following religions: Judaism and Christianity (Catholicism, Anglican/Episcopal, Lutheran, Evangelical, Baptist, Calvinist/Presbyterian, Disciples of Christ, or Methodism). The right of free speech is granted to wealthy citizens and corporations. All others may be jailed or fined as the government sees fit. Journalists may be arrested for expressing the rights of the people. Individuals have the right to assemble a public protest of government grievances, so long as they celebrate the financially successful and encourage low taxation for that demographic.
2. All citizens have the right to purchase a gun and should be encouraged to conceal it on their person at all times to use whenever criminals or the lower classes get out of hand. Guns make us safe. No one may be stopped from legally purchasing a handgun other than minors, and only by their parents on a case-by-case basis. A minor may legally buy a handgun, but his parents will be held responsible for any negative outcome.
3. Americans should be proud of their soldiers. If one becomes homeless in poor economic times, offer him a room in your home free of charge, as long as you compel him to work for you.
4. Those who don’t look guilty of liberalism or terrorism have the right to be presented a warrant prior to search and seizure. Those who look suspicious can expect to lose their intellectual and physical property to the authorities.
5. Congress shall be allowed to detain anyone they see fit for as long a period as deemed appropriate, without the hindrance of due process of law. Torture is an acceptable and useful punishment for those suspected of wrongdoing. No respect need be given for their life, limb, or property.
6. In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy hearing before Congress, in which he may or may not be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; may or may not be confronted with the witnesses against him; may not obtain witnesses in his favor, or have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence unless he can supply his own at his expense.
7. In suits of common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty million dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.
8. Excessive bail shall be required and excessive fines imposed if the criminal is determined to represent an alternative ideology to that of Congress; cruel and unusual punishments shall be inflicted to rectify their position within the U.S. government.
9. The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by corporations or citizens earning in excess of $250,000.
10. The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the corporations. The States can prohibit anything not specifically granted to individuals by the U.S. Constitution. Corporations shall not be subject to regulations made at State or Local levels.